I know that many parents successfully bumble along on the parenting journey until they hit a road block during the tweens and teens years. Usually this is because the methods they have used to 'control' their kids until now suddenly don't work anymore. Shouting, bribing, threatening and manipulating tweens and teens suddenly loses its power! And for good reason. These approaches don't build connection and respect and only work while the child feels less powerful than the parent. Adolescence can be a time of turmoil not only for teens but for parents and family members as well. This is the important time of individuation and enables teens to practice and experiment at being independent from their parents and therefore learn how to become capable adults. It’s normal for teens to explore a new sense of freedom, but this process can leave parents feeling powerless or excluded from their children’s lives, especially in this age of digital distraction. Therefore parents may feel they need to tighten the reigns in order to maintain control over their teens. Unfortunately this often leads to further conflict and alienation or may drive their teen ‘underground’ to experiment without their counsel or protection.
At the core of the Positive Discipline approach is the understanding that our Teens still need their parents, just in different ways.
Luckily we don't need to use our old in-effective parenting methods to build mutually-respectful relationships with our young adults. There are many ways to communicate and lead our kids that are empowering to both the parent and the child. Once you come to understand what teens are really needing, what they're actually going through and how pushing parents away and exploring their own authority is exactly what they are meant to be doing at this time in their life, then you can find ways to stay connected to them and a build a relationship that is founded on understanding, trust and respectful boundaries.
In my Positive Discipline for Tweens & Teens support groups & workshops (which are based on my training as a Positive Discipline parent educator and the work of Dr Jane Nelson and Lynn Lott in their book Positive Discipline for Teens) we'll cover toptics such as:
The Challenges of Parenting Teens
Healing the Teen Within
Understanding Parenting Styles/Limit Setting
Tips for Creating Effective Connection/Communication
Motivating Teens Using Encouragement
This course will teach and provide practice for parents to:
build or rebuild strong bridges of communication with their teens
break the destructive cycle of guilt and blame with parent/teen power struggles.
work for greater mutual respect and support
model and encourage vital social and life skills
Encourage and empower instead of punish and alienate
Foster honest discussions with your teens
Turn mistakes into learning opportunities, creating a sense of capability and resilience
Keep your own sanity and self care whilst learning to let go
The One Day & Six Week: 'Positive Parenting for Teens & Tweens' courses
The Positive Discipline for Teens and Tweens training programs bring the philosophy of Positive Discipline to life ininteractive, highly engaging one day or six week parent training programmes. The tools of Positive Discipline are presented in ways that invite parents to participate on a deeply personal level and ultimately to affect their own deepest beliefs, habits and parenting behaviours.
The classes are fun, engaging and highly experiential. Each class provides a series of experiences that create opportunities to see new ways of thinking and understanding parenting situations common to all—and to experience and practice the new positive discipline skills.
As part of a group class you will build community, get into your child's world, gain concrete positive parenting strategies, and have lots of fun while learning new ways to manage common child-raising challenges. It's a great way to connect with your community and learn effective parenting skills.
These fun and enlightening workshopsshow you how to adopt new, effective:
tools & techniques
...that will empower the relationship and solve typical parenting/childcare issues.
In our workshops you'll discover how to:
identify the belief behind the behaviour and understand what the child is really needing
change the way you communicate to empower yourself and your child (no more needing to say the same thing over and over onto deaf ears!)
invite emotional honesty into the relationship and create a much deeper connection between you
set up your lives together in a way that promotes harmony, independence and inter-dependence (instead of dependence and co-dependence)
Plus... - Improve cooperation & listening - Establish firm & loving boundaries - Reduce power struggles, tantrums & challenging behaviour - Positively handle anger & other strong feelings - Build your relationship on deep connection, trust and respect - Use assertive, confident, empowering and respectful communication which is neither permissive nor dominating - Grow your child's emotional intelligence & self-confidence - Manage your own behaviour, emotions & peace - Understand your child’s uniqueness & get into their world/see through their eyes in order to let them be who they are …plus tools to manage many other common parenting challenges
More insight... "One of the key aspects that make these parenting classes unique is the active engagement of parents through role playing and problem solving. We call this level “modeling.” Modeling is the way in which specific and individual situations are examined. Ingrained in each specific problem is an element of more universal concern. When Mr. A tells how frustrating it is to get Katie dressed in the morning, other members of the group can relate to their own difficulties. Such difficulties might include how to get their children to do their chores within a certain time frame or to perform daily tasks such as washing and self-care. The entire group is therefore able to relate to and learn from any individual person’s issues.
The most profound element of this course is the resulting “self-awareness.” Participants gain deeper and clearer understanding of themselves, their patterns, habits, triggers and behaviours. By learning about their own beliefs, issues and special needs, participants want to change. They learn to look upon their interactions with children from a profoundly new perspective. When 'Mary A' understands her own beliefs and how they affect the actions she chooses every day with her children, it becomes important to her to recognize the belief-forming process her daughter 'Meghan' experiences daily. This in turn lends an entirely new significance to the way in which she treats Meghan and the relationship gets a chance to grow in a space of awareness and conscious choice.
Why use experiential activities at all? Each learner has a certain capacity to remember information. Depending upon how information is learned there is a vast difference in how it is remembered. According to studies done by the Gesell Institute, about learning and information retention, the following figures speak loudly: I remember 10% of what I read; 20% of what I hear; 30% of what I see; 50% of what I see and hear; 70% of what I discuss with others; 80% of what I experience; 95% of what I teach to others.
Finally, it is with a deep sense of respect that we can offer each other the courage to be imperfect. Trusting in the process itself gives us the courage to see mistakes—our own and those of others—as opportunities to grow, learn and change. There is great adventure ahead for all who attend these classes."
Jane Nelson author of the Positive Discipline series of books and founder of the Positive Discipline association.